The Woes of the Internet

The Woes of the InternetYou guys know me, usually I write about books, stories, and sometimes movies. Today, I’m not writing about any of those things. Well, I still sort of am, actually.

What I want to talk about today is the internet. It’s become invaluable to me during my reading and my research at One-elevenbooks. It’s pretty much essential. I can’t post things on my website without the internet, which is why I’m rather disappointed, again, with my ISP. My internet is currently going as slow as a turtle wearing molasses shoes. I’m writing all of this in a Word document. Good old Word, you never disappoint me, except for when Microsoft changes one aspect completely from one version to the other, then, at those times, you disappoint me.

Many people believe this idea that the internet is making us dumber. Instead of knowing something, we depend on the internet to look it up for us. Why memorize something when the internet keeps your brain? Well, you probably should never trust someone else to hold your brain. Think about this, at the times in which you don’t have the internet, how are you supposed to use your brain? It’s inaccessible. It’s locked away. Your ISP is keeping your brain hostage with their crappy service and you can’t do anything about it. They don’t even give you a discount on your bill when your internet goes out for an entire day, just like Charter’s internet did nationwide just over a month ago, by the way, if you didn’t know.

I agree with these people to an extent. We tend to keep the internet accountable for knowledge we used to have on hand. Why should we memorize the number for the tow truck when we can look the number up on the internet? That’s all very well and convenient, but like I said, it’s not a good idea to let someone else keep your brain. If they screw up on their end, you’re screwed on your end as well.

The thing about it is that we have to make a conscious effort to keep our brains from getting lazy with all of these all-you-can-eat information buffets the internet has to offer. That’s why I read. I read and I end up memorizing a lot of weird facts that I probably have no need for, but it’s causing my brain to work. I guess it’s really one of those half-empty/half-full situations.

I like the internet. I like how I can get all this information at a few key strokes and mouse clicks. Without the internet I wouldn’t have been able to do half the research on the Grimm’s Fairy Tales and Sherlock Holmes stories that I have been able to do so far. It’s really been this great tool for me, but it’s also my medium. I can’t publish my writing to you guys without the internet. Internet outages steal my thunder. I can’t run to a newspaper and say, “Print my article, you jerks. It’s awesome. Do it right now!” If I did that, they would probably throw me out and then not print my article on top of that, just as icing to top off their jerk cake.

Even if I did run to the newspaper and ask nicely, “Please print my article,” and they did it, I wouldn’t be reaching nearly as wide of an audience. I reach a worldwide audience every single day on my website. A newspaper reaches one county or city. The people of my city may not be particularly appreciative of the observations of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s penchant for using the word ejaculation and thinking blunt force trauma is funny. Hahahaha! Oh, Arthur!

I’m grateful for the internet, but my providers of internet are not the greatest guys. I like being self-sufficient, so it really bums me out when I have to sit down and realize that I rely on something as much as I rely on the internet. If I don’t have the internet, I might have to go to a magazine, and honestly, I can’t see a lot of magazines wanting to publish my awesome stuff. Seriously, what kind of magazine would publish articles about John Watson constantly using the word ejaculation? Playboy? I know Playboy does have articles. I just don’t know that an article about Sherlock Holmes stories would be something they would go for. I don’t know, maybe Hugh Hefner is a huge fan of Sherlock Holmes. It could happen.

Essentially, I need the internet to research and to publish articles for you guys and you guys need the internet to read my articles, but you should still be cautious about how much you rely on the internet, at least memorize the important phone numbers of your life so you can still know them without having to look them up on the internet. You know like 867-5309. Everybody should know that phone number. If my internet was working right now, I would look that phone number up and tell you exactly who has it, but it’s not, so you’re going to have to pretend that’s like a really important phone number, but it should be easy to remember because it was in a song.

And now, a haiku:


Internet so slow

Where did you go? I am sad.

Charter, you suck. Peace.

charter internet, dependency on the internet, letting the internet keep your brain, looking things up on the internet, poor internet service, publishing on the internet, The Woes of the Internet


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