The Princess and the Pea

The Princess and the PeaThe Princess and the Pea

Looks like she’s enjoying herself up there. I wonder who else is up there with her? All joking aside, this is a classic story that teaches us a lesson of…being really sensitive, or something.

Once upon a time there was a prince who desired to marry a princess, but there was always something wrong with all the princesses he met. One night it was raining and a girl came to the door. She said she was a princess. The prince’s mother determined a test. She put one pea under twenty mattresses and twenty comforters. The next morning she asked the princess if she had slept ok, but the princess replied that she had not. She felt as if some small hard thing was under her mattresses and she was black and blue all over. It was determined that she was in fact a true princess.

The End


Who has twenty mattresses? Did these people own a mattress emporium? Was this prince’s dad the Mattress King? If so, he needs better mattresses because you shouldn’t be able to feel a pea through twenty mattresses. You shouldn’t be able to feel a pea through one mattress. Maybe they should switch the Tempurpedic?

Mattresses didn’t used to be made out foam and springs and stuff. They were made out of hay and goose down, whatever you had on hand. People who made their mattresses out of hay often called them straw-ticks. They were never very comfortable and they did have to be restuffed and aired out from time to time. You might possibly feel a hard pea through a straw-tick if it were thin enough, but for the most part, you’re not going to feel a pea through any mattress.


If this girl could feel a pea through twenty mattresses and twenty comforters then there is something wrong with her. She has a weak constitution and some sort of nervous disorder where her sense of touch is really sensitive.

A real princess is so, so delicate, yes? She would be able to discern the slightest discomfort. Look, we know that’s a load of crap. Royalty are honestly no different from the rest of us, unless you count some health problems resulting from the interbreeding that royal families used to be so fond of.  If you believe David Icke, royal persons could possibly be lizard people. Even though royalty isn’t any different from the rest of us, that hasn’t stopped them from making claims to that extent. The Pharaohs of Egypt used to say they were descended from gods or they were gods.

What in the heck is going to happen to this princess when it comes time for her to have a baby? If a pea can cause her that much pain, childbirth is going to be a nightmare for her. I doubt she’ll survive.

This whole story is about being better than everyone else. The prince is so picky. He sees all these princesses, but none of them are good enough. Finally, he finds one that is such a pansy that she can feel a pea through twenty mattresses. That doesn’t seem like a very good quality for a wife to have.

On top of this load of crap, there is even more crap. The future mother-in-law to this princess, puts the pea under the mattresses on purpose knowing that it could possibly cause this princess a lot of discomfort. That’s not very nice. Oh it’s a test. Sure it’s a test–the new daughter-in-law is such a pansy all the mother-in-law has to do is threaten to throw peas at her and the princess will behave in any manner the mother-in-law wishes.

So all in all, supposing this imaginary condition the princess has were real, it would make her easy to control. She would be so delicate that she couldn’t really resist anything and she couldn’t do a lot, so she would definitely stay out of trouble.


If you catch your mother-in-law putting peas under your bed, I honestly don’t know what to tell you.

Imagine if this were a Dear Prudie letter.

Dear Prudie,

I recently married a wonderful prince. Yes, he’s a real prince. All my friends are so excited about it. I found out that before I was married my mother-in-law put a pea under my mattress. She wanted to test whether or not I was a real princess. I am. I was not made aware of the pea until after the marriage was finalized. The pea caused me great discomfort and it took me days to recover. I understand that she wanted to test to see if I was a real princess, but I feel that causing me physical discomfort was crossing a line. Should I speak to her about her meddling or not?

Princess Pea

Hans Christian Andersen!!, mother-in-law, pea, pea under mattress, prince, princess, royalty, royalty as special, special people, The Princess and the Pea, The Princess and the Pea hans christian andersen, true princess
Andersen Fairy Tales, Andersen-Hans Christian


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