Memoir, Non-Fiction, Social Commentary, Stolz-Kim

#695 Unfriending My Ex by Kim Stolz

Unfriending My Ex by Kim StolzUnfriending My Ex by Kim Stolz

Social media has become necessary in many aspects of our modern-day lives. Your family is all over Facebook and everybody is Instagramming everything. Kim writes about her addiction to technology and social media in general.

Kim, as you may or may not know, was a contestant on America’s Next Top Model several years ago. She has since gone on to own a restaurant and be an MTV host. Now she does a few different things. One of the things she did was write a book about her inability to quit checking Facebook and her phone in general.

Kim details how she got into social media and what role it has played in her life, for the worse. Kim has had more relationships ended and more fights because of social media and technology than any person I’ve ever heard of. She’s been broken up with because of social media. She’s cheated on people because of social media. She’s been paranoid. People have been paranoid about her. She’s Facebook-stalked people. to excess.

Kim also throws some current statistics into the mix. It’s not just her. Lots of people cite social media as a key player in why their relationships ended. Lots of people can’t quit checking their phone and their email.

Kim is now married, hopefully happily and with less social media.

What I liked

Kim isn’t a bad writer. I think that parts of this book are certainly useful. People do have a tendency to be super-glued to their devices and wired-ness into the rest of the world. It’s good to read something like this in order to step back and evaluate where you may or may not be compared to others.

What I didn’t like

I can’t put this nicely–Kim is pathetic. Maybe as much of a social media addict as she is, she’ll read this, and I kind of feel bad about it, but I don’t know what else to say about Kim that would get the point across in the way that I needed to get the point across.

First of all, Kim was on America’s Next Top Model years ago. I’ve never seen the show and it doesn’t interest me, but it was a while ago now, especially in reality TV show time. Big deal. I was on a magazine cover years ago, but I don’t bring it up every time I start talking about my accomplishments. I’m more apt to talk about actual skills I have rather than fleeting moments that are in any way connected with fame and notoriety.

People are super-wired to their phones, but Kim seems to have taken it to this whole new level. I get that it’s an addiction, but how did it ever get to be that way? How can you be so attached to some virtual existence that you risk real-life relationships because of it? Kim has cheated on people over social media. She’s made huge relationship mistakes on social media. She’s been obsessive. She’s been petty.

Look, if someone breaks up with you, your correct move is to let them go on their merry, freaking way and you go your merry, freaking way and everybody is happy, or maybe not, but you leave each other alone. You don’t do back and forth petty jabs at each other over social media, nor do you stalk them on Facebook to see what they’re doing with their life. They have a new boyfriend/girlfriend? So what? By virtue of not being in a relationship with said person, you can certainly go out and get yourself a new boyfriend/girlfriend and you don’t have to worry about the old one anymore.

I am not one of those people who obsessively hover on their phone. I have a smart phone; it’s great. I read on it. I text some people, not a lot. I call people when I need to. I read articles on it. I occasionally check Facebook on it. There are about 21,000 messages in my email inbox. I do think it’s rude to sit and stare at your phone when you’re in the physical presence of somebody else. When I go out with friends, guess who is not staring at their phone. How about when I go out with my boyfriend? Am I staring at my phone then? Nope.

Kim is correct in the fact that she should be putting her phone away when she’s with people because it is flat-out rude. Just this evening, or yesterday evening actually(I’m writing this at an ungodly hour), I saw a couple having what appeared to be a romantic evening sitting outside on some patio furniture. You know what they were both doing? They were both looking at their phones and practically ignoring one another. How about if you’re on a date, put away your phone.

Not everyone needs to know what you’re doing on social media, nor is it going to get your anything in the real, physical world, unless you somehow get so good at it that you become some sort of guru that can hire yourself out to consult with large companies about making the best tweets for their new cereal.

When you’re as sucked into the idea of being wired as Kim is/was, you’re essentially wasting your time building up something that isn’t real. It’s like building a pyramid out of invisible blocks. Sure, you built a pyramid, but can anyone see it and does it do you any good? What does one do with an invisible pyramid? Be entombed there, invisibly, with all your earthly possessions? Oh that’s right, you spent all your time building up a virtual world and you don’t have a whole lot of earthly possessions to show for it. Don’t worry though, we’ll live tweet and Instragram your funeral. He/she is doing Tumblr posts with God now. I bet there are some awesome Instagram filters in heaven.


Kim, stay off the phone. Take a walk. Go smell some flowers.

Weigh In

Do you feel that you spend too much time on your phone?

Is it right to check up on a person, just because you have the ability to because of technology?


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